Cheesehead with Sticks

So, you know what the first thing you do when you dump your ex is, right? You cut your hair. That’s essentially what I’ve done with the blog, gone from long hair to a super short pixie cut!

I started the blog a few years ago when life was very, VERY different, some of you know why, so let’s just not revisit those days. Lately I’ve been wanting to post, but not sure what to post – life has been whipping me around like a dog with a dead fish busy . It’s like being me on the blog was always getting in my eyes, tangled up in ponytail holders, and clogging the drains – ewww. So, I’ve “cut it” short along with a few other things in my life.

See, I’ve spent the last few years making myself insanely busy. Too busy to do the things I believe a good mother and wife should do properly (you know, keep the floors from getting so sticky you can’t walk on them, or being home to help with homework every night) Maybe I’m making up for something I didn’t do as a child, maybe I’m really, really, bad at saying no, maybe I think I can do everything, or maybe, just maybe I want to be involved in my children’s lives a bit too much. But really, in the short time a child is your “child” is there such thing as too much? We all know it’s just a matter of 5 or 6 years before Little Ms. is screaming that she hates me and slamming doors in my face (or maybe she’ll take after me and never do those horrible things.. hah!) – so I best be a present driving force in her life now.

And then there is the matter of the other children in the “village”. See, lots of kids don’t have parents that can or want to be involved in their lives. Lots of kids don’t think they are worth much. Lots of kids don’t think they can do whatever they want if they just reach down deep enough.  That breaks my heart.If I had a super power it would be that I could go up to every child and tell them they are a gift, they are perfect individuals, that they are strong and can be brave and to believe in themselves, (and they need to be nice to all the other children and encourage them as well) and have them fully believe me.

That’s the biggest reason I’ve stayed on as a Girl Scout leader – which takes up quite a bit of time, and because I’m an overachiever, more time for me than the average person. Sure I joined up for my own child, but then I realized how many other children out there need someone to touch their lives, even if it’s just for them to remember back one day and say, “hey, that leader lady, she always let me  my own decisions and encouraged me” [One of my proudest moments is having a dad of a 10 year old tell me, after I returned his daughter’s pocket knife from an overnight camp session, “ya, I sent her with a dull one so she wouldn’t get hurt” and then me replying “well, she couldn’t do the activity very well because of it, and lesson number 4 in their training was that dull knives are dangerous – so I lent her my very, very sharp knife, she handled it just fine, and no one died – can you please show her how to sharpen this one?” (said with a smile of course).

And then there is the issue of the j.o.b. It was perfect one time when I was so drained mentally I needed all those non-thinking-required hours to let my brain gel back together. Lately, I’ve found it very, very boring, and really – I can’t STAND to be bored by force. It was also not a good fit for either me or my employer. They couldn’t challenge me, I couldn’t dumb myself down enough to meet their expectations and feel good about myself – not to mention the long hours and long drive, if only a few days  a week.

So, I quit. I’ve been looking for the right job for a few years, and with Little Mr. in school every day now, this year was the perfect time. But, I wasn’t going to leave a company I liked, that paid well, was flexible, and contained all my friends for just any job. It had to be a job with no weekends, no evening hours, close to home, and somewhat flexible – as I still hold down one other part-time job. I was hoping the school secretary would retire, but she isn’t that old. I tried to get in as an aide, but the only way into the union without a teaching job is via the lunch lady line – which didn’t pay enough. Then, one day, in the only 4 sentences I’ve spoken with Little Ms.’s first grade teacher in 4 years, a new path was laid out before me. I was informed I had the needed requirements to be a substitute. Then, the school district actually advertised that they NEEDED subs! So that is where I am today. There is a lot of concern about the timing with this economy, and then recent news about Mr. CH’s job – but I have faith that this path couldn’t have been pointed out any clearer to me by the universe unless it shoved me down it hard, so it must be the path I am to follow.

So now I’m a knitting, metalsmithing, mother of 2, wife, secretary, girl scout leader, and waiting to be called for her first day substitute teacher praying she made the right decision!!!

But of course, the old me is not gone. I will be bringing most of the old posts back, but some of them aren’t relative anymore, and now that I have a much more “in the public life” some things don’t need to be out there since they no longer apply. It’s just gonna take a while to weed through 300+ posts!